Middle of the Night-ing

I have a terrible habit of waking up very early in the moning (around three or four) and being awake for a long time. It's always been frustrating, because I lie there thinking. "I SHOULD BE SLEEPING!!!! WHY AREN'T I SLEEPING?!"

The last several times, I have chosen to pray. For myself, for people I know, for the school, for the world. It doesn't get me to sleep any faster, but sometimes it helps with the frustration!

I have learned something about God's grace for our humanity in those prayer times. You see, I want to be praying, but it's the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, and my focus isn't all that great. I'll pray for a sentence or two, and then my mind will be wandering off down a sleepy (but not sleep-inducing) hallway of imagination. After a few minutes, I will remember, "Oh! I'm supposed to be praying!" and start praying again.

He waits for me. Instead of getting aggravated at my constant rabbit trails - something that has been known to annoy people who have to listen to me. He doesn't view it as a lack of faith, or discipline, but waits patiently, and helps direct me back to Him with perfect patience. (Oh, how I love God's patience! If it weren't divine, I would have broken it by now!)

My mind is set on him, but my flesh is sleepy! And He understands.

This applies to other aspects of my spiritual walk as well. When I fail, when I hold bitterness against someone, when I refuse to forgive, when I speak in anger, when I make fun of somebody, when I hurt somebody, when I am faithless (the list goes on and on, folks!), He understands. As long as my mind is set on Him, and my walk is directed toward Him, He doesn't mind when I trip and fall on the way.

Now, this is not to say that when I sin (note: WHEN not IF), I should just ignore it and say, "Oh, God doesn't mind."

Sin is not an "oops."

It must be dealt with to the best of our ability. If it's forgiving someone you can't stand, and have every right to be bitter at ... It's praying "God, I can't STAND him/her! I hate them, and I never want to forgive them. So help me to even WANT too!" If it's speaking in words of anger, you don't make light of them. You ask God to forgive you when your temper has cooled, and then you get to go apologize to the person you spoke to. (A few times of THAT humbling experience will go a LONG way in controlling your tongue!) You don't excuse it with "I was angry." The Bible says, "In your anger, DO NOT SIN." (emphasis mine). You were angry, that's okay. You sinned, that's NOT okay.

I love that God is understanding for where we are. I also love that He is intent we don't STAY where we are. And I love that even though we can't move ahead on our own, He is right there with us, giving us a hand. Even in the middle of the night.

<3